"I can't BELIEVE how bad the food is at our cafeteria!"
"I always BRING my lunch, so I wouldn't know. Does the cafe food taste bad?"
"Yes, but it's PREPARED even worse! The main dishes are either underdone or overdone, the side dishes are always soggy, and the salad is CONTAMINATED!"
"I KNOW, I found BUGS in mine! We oughtta SUE the school for that, now that we're old enough to..."
Teacher: Hello, class! Having a little discussion about the kitchens, are we?
Student: Why? Is it too gross for you?
Teacher: On the contrary! Today's poem sounds much like what YOU'RE talking about! ...It's a poem from Shel Silverstein's very first poetry book, "Don't Bump the Glump!"
Student: Oh, BOY!
Teacher: I warn you, though: Don't recite this to your parents! Most adults do not tolerate disgust as well as you youngsters.
THERE'S A GRITCHEN IN MY KITCHEN - Shel Silverstein, 1964, Don't Bump the Glump!
There's a Skaverbacked Gritchen, who lives in my kitchen and makes his home under the sink.
And he lives upon Gipes who crawl out of the pipes, and he takes only Postum to drink.
He is friends with the Lubbard who dwells in my cupboard, and often at night after dark,
They will sit on the stove and converse with the Scrove, and catch a few Skinch for a lark.
Then they'll call to the Blaucetts who creep from the faucets; they'll sit on the tea kettle's brim.
And the Slithery Scarbage crawl out of the garbage and jump in the soup for a swim.
He'll sing with the Whispies who live in Rice Krispies, and serve them my cheese and sardines,
And they call to the Zox in the old napkin box to come down and play bridge in the beans.
Then he may run a race to the silverware case with the Gruppy who drinks all my beer,
And he'll dance with the Muvvin inside of my oven and whisper sweet sounds in her ear.
For the Gritchen's in love with the Muvvin, poor boy. But she loves the Back-Biting Smee...
...Or is it the Jase? Well, in any case, I'm glad you could make it for tea.
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Hope this poem hasn't made you ill, and I also hope this poem has prepared you for any literature FAR more ghastly that other professors may throw at you later on...
*BRINNNNNNNGGGG!*
...And that's our bell! See you next time, class! And remember, if you want to read different poetry, be sure to bring it to share with the class!
"heh heh... I wanna find some more of those Silverstein poems!"
"Yeah, these sorta poems are GREAT for scarin' off any strange visitors on our doorstep!"
"And they're HILARIOUS, too!"
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