EU Poetry 11: Hobbit Riddles

“Woo-HOO!  Sound the bell!  Summer School’s in, sucker!... Wow, I never thought I’d say THAT of all things!”

“I KNOW, right?  I used to AVOID summer school!  Now I don’t know what to DO in the summer otherwise, and THIS is the one class that I’ve ever REALLY enjoyed!”

“It’s not a class!  It's a place to escape my job and my nagging mom!  She ALWAYS made me sit down and write to-do lists EVERY day of every summer!”

Redhead:  Oof, that’s even WORSE than Marching Band Boot Camp.  I should know.  I used to go there back in high school!”

Smart kid:  So true, man.  Parents just DON’T understand that teachers ALREADY make kids sit at desks to write agendas and take notes the whole school year!  Kids need a BREAK from that in the summer, so when parents make kids write down what CHORES they have to do in their short, precious summertime… That can be even WORSE than school.”

Redhead:  Oh, wow, I never really thought of it THAT way!

Smart kid:  When you take a psychology class right before summer, you pick up a thing or two.

Redhead:  Well, if I ever have kids of MY own, I’m not putting them through THAT kind of torture! Not unless they've been bad. Then I can make them write lists as their punishment!

Smart kid: Now THAT'S smart thinking!

Teacher: Hello, Class!  Did you miss me?

"Mr. McPatrick!"

"Uh, YEAH!  Life's been so BORING without your class!"

"Yeah, and to think we used to not care about anything except that Mega Fighting Bots video game..."

Teacher:  I’m proud of you, students!  Not many people learn to break their technological addictions at such a young age…  Now, for today’s lesson, I have some riddles for you!

These are poetic riddles written nearly a HUNDRED years ago by the legendary fantasy novelist, J.R.R. Tolken.  And my challenge for you today is to guess the answers to these 5 ancient riddles!...

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The Hobbit, J.R.R. Tolken, 1937, 2013 edition, pg. 91-96 

What has roots as nobody sees,

Is taller than trees,

Up, up, it goes,

And yet never grows?

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"I heard of these before!  Has anyone seen the Hobbit movie lately??  I don’t remember the answer…"

"I do!  It’s the Mountain!"

Teacher:   Correct!  The next one is…

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Thirty white horses on a red hill,

First they chomp,

Then they stomp,

Then they stand still.

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"…That one makes NO sense!"

"Maybe it’s not SUPPOSED to make sense!  It’s POETRY, remember?  We just gotta THINK like a poet…"

"…Ok… hm… Still nothing.  I give up!"

Teacher:  The answer is Teeth!

"OH…"

"Never woulda guessed THAT."

Teacher:  The next riddle is…

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A box without hinges, key, or lid,

Yet golden treasure inside it is hid.

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Redhead:  Oh, MAN, this one makes no sense EITHER…

Smart kid:   …Oh!  I think it’s Eggs!

Teacher:  Correct!

Redhead:  How the heck did you figure THAT out??

Smart kid:   Because it made no sense!  Eggs aren’t boxes at all!  And yet they still have something golden yellow inside, WITHOUT a hinge, key, or lid!

Redhead:  OHHH, I get it now! These riddles must be cryptic messages!  Just like the girl scout from the Poptropica comics!

Teacher:  Next riddle, class!

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Voiceless it cries, 

Wingless flutters,

Toothless bites,

Mouthless mutters.

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"Ok, remember, this is all cryptic, so we gotta THINK cryptic!"

"How do we do THAT though?"

*WHOOSH...

"Wow, that wind is howling outside today!"

"That’s IT!  The answer is Wind."

Teacher:  That’s Right!  …Now for the FINAL riddle…

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This thing all things devours;

Birds, beasts, trees, flowers;

Gnaws iron, bites steel;

Grinds hard stones to meal;

Slays king, ruins town; 

And beats high mountain down.

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Everybody: Time!

Teacher: Very good! You ALL got that one right!... Did you all get that from the movie?

Everybody:   Yep!

Teacher: Well, then, in that case, your homework for tonight is to read the book of 'The Hobbit' and see just for yourselves just how accurate the movie trilogy is to the book!

BRINNNNNGGG!!

Teacher: Class dismissed, everyone! See you soon, and hope your summer's going well so far.

Everybody:   It is NOW!